Ryan Gosling and Babies
Life without regret.
When life takes an unexpected turn, have the baby.
Like most young girls, I always imagined growing up and having a perfect little family: two kids (okay, maybe four), a sweet and welcoming home, a big yard and, you know, a husband. In a million years, I never thought I’d be living as a single parent.
But this post…THIS post is for the single women who are considering becoming a single mom. Let me guess, you are in your 30’s or maybe even your 40’s. Contemplating if you will ever find the right guy. And if you do manage to find him, you’ll stress out on how to keep him and if you have children, you might worry about the potential of divorce and what that will do to the children. Pump the breaks sister.
I’ve been a single mom for ten years now. (WOW, sounds extreme when I say it that way) So I like to think I know a thing or two about being a single momma. It has been the fastest ten years of my life and certainly the best years of my life.
Truth is, I’ve run into you before, probably just this week. A typical conversation with a woman in her 30’s (and maybe even in her 40’s) who is not dating anyone she really likes or is unsure of where it is headed, but knows she wants to be a mom, usually expresses thinking one of three things:
- worried she will never find Mr. Right (not perfect, but right for her)
- fears if she does find him and has a child, but ends in divorce
- considers having a baby on her own, but is terrifying and because being a single mom is utterly awful
My advice? HAVE THE BABY. You will never regret having a baby. Breakups are hard, divorce is harder. Being a mom alone is difficult. But what it is not…is regretful. And regret is awful. And I can honestly say that being a single mom as opposed to one in a loveless or unhappy marriage is FAR easier. Yet…it is all relative.
Have the baby.
You have no idea how much you will love those little bundles of joy. It will literally Blow. Your. Mind. You think you have loved a man…or you know you love your family…you probably even really love Ryan Gosling…and you definitely love your Oribe Dry Texturizing Spray.
You don’t know love.
Have a baby.
Waiting around to marry “the one” will have you spinning in a tizzy. You’ll put undue pressure on yourself and might even physically stress your body and mind and send all sorts of wonky vibes into the universe, pushing you further away from what you want. Your fertility is finite. Your energy is even more so. You are an adult. And life is about taking risks. Marriage is a risk. Having babies is a risk. And the best things are hard. Cliché. Yes, I know.
So when you become a “single mom” the stigma sting will hurt initially, you’ll be scared, afraid you’ll be poor, and worry you’ll have to spend $60k on therapy for your kiddo. But guess what? Half of married moms become single moms and then you lose the support setup you once had…and that would be REALLY hard. And don’t most adults spend $60k on therapy? Okay, maybe only $20k.
You might struggle with this, as I did, because it’s not the Godly way. But God’s grace is so good. So very good.
And when you feel alone, “’The mountains and hills may crumble, but my love for you will never end; I will keep forever my promise of peace.’ So says the Lord who loves you.” Isaiah 54:10
And when you are exhausted, “Come to me, all of you who are tired from carrying heavy loads, and I will give you rest.” Matthew 11:28
And if you are unsure about your child’s future, “We have not stopped praying for you since the first day we heard about you. In fact, we always pray that God will show you everything he wants you to do and that you may have all the wisdom and understanding that his Spirit gives. Then you will live a life that honors the Lord, and you will always please him by doing good deeds. You will come to know God even better. His glorious power will make you patient and strong enough to endure anything, and you will be truly happy.” Colossians 1:9-11
And when you worry about money, “And with all his abundant wealth through Christ Jesus, my God will supply all your needs.” Philippians 4:19
And if you feel overwhelmed, “But those who trust in the Lord for help will find their strength renewed. They will rise on wings like eagles; they will run and not get weary; they will walk and not grow weak.” Isaiah 40:31
Being a single parenting is hard. It is non-stop, unforgiving and often goes unappreciated. I’m stuck in this weird place between having a single life and having a family. I’m a provider, a nurturer and a disciplinarian, and carrying out each of these roles—often simultaneously—sometimes overwhelms me.
But the good F A R outweigh the not so good. The good days are really great. Hearing my little crack jokes, sing in the shower, tell me about new music he loves, how he aced his test, excited for his soccer game, sharing information at bedtime about his hopes and dreams and fears, he has prayed for every person he has ever known and just simply a bundle of love. Life with him is moving fast. It sometimes takes my breath away. Such an abundant, joy filled, life we live.
To living abundantly,